HIBBITY BIBBITY

“In 1939, American government operative Lobster Johnson learns that Adolf Hitler has captured an Archangel that fell to Earth. He tries to release the Archangel, but fails and is killed by Hitler’s men.

In modern times, Tom Manning, the director of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, learns from Agent John Myers, who is infiltrated in Antartica, that Roderick Zinco, the CEO of Zinco Enterprises, is actually a Neo-Nazi. Zinco revived Kroenen as a head in a jar connected to a large robotic body, and together, they revive the russian occultist Rasputin.

Knowing that Hellboy and his girlfriend, Liz Sherman, have quit the B.P.R.D. and are expecting twins, Rasputin decides to release the Archangel, now in Zinco’s possession, and brainwash him into believing his mission on Earth is to destroy the Fallen One’s son before his seeds of destruction devastate the planet, as part of a masterplan to manipulate Hellboy into taking revenge for his children’s death by using his birthright to unleash Hell on Earth.

Myers rejoins the B.P.R.D. in America, where, alongside the ectoplasmic agent Johann Krauss, the ghost of Lobster Johnson and Roger, the Homunculus, they set to protect Liz and her children as well as help Hellboy and Abe Sapien to defeat the Archangel and stop Rasputin, Kroenen and Zinco before their plans for doomsday come to fruition.

In the process, Krauss faces Kroenen, who is responsible for Krauss’ wife’s death. In an attempt to revive her, Krauss accidentally caused the mystic explosion that destroyed his body and turned him into an ectoplasmic being, living in a containment suit developed by Hellboy’s adoptive father, Professor Trevor Broom.

In the end, although the Archangel fails to kill Hellboy’s children, Hellboy is succesfully tricked into opening the gates of Hell, thus fulfiling the prophecy of the Angel of Death, but sacrifices himself to close them, proving to the defeat forces of Rasputin that, once and for all, everyone has a choice, which is Professor Broom’s oldest lesson to Hellboy.”

What.

No.

Please.

Give this to me. Ron Perlman makes the perfect Hellboy too.

I am saddened I will never see this film.